Tuesday 22 September 2015

Melanie's Eulogy

Eulogy as Read by Trisha Klassen and Anita Hiebert (Melanie's Sisters-in-Law) at Melanie's Celebration of Life, August 28th, 2015

MELANIE SHANNON PENNER (nee KLASSEN) - March 23, 1976 - August 21, 2015


Our hearts are broken to announce the passing of our beloved Melanie Penner, wonderful wife, loving mother, treasured daughter and sister and loyal friend.  Melanie is lovingly remembered by her husband, Darryl, her two beautiful daughters, Kira and Teagan, her parents Dennis and Marion Klassen, her brother and sister-in-law Jeffrey and Trisha Klassen and their son, Otto.  She has joined her brother, Jason in Heaven.  She is also dearly missed by Darryl’s parents, David and Hilda Penner, his sisters, Anita and Ramona, and Anita’s daughter, Kai.

Melanie grew up in Roseisle, Manitoba and attended school in Roseisle and Miami.  Melanie accepted Christ as her saviour at a young age.  She attended Roseisle EMC and was baptized into that church as a teenager.  Melanie put her faith into action when she worked as a camp counsellor at Turtle Mountain Bible Camp.  This would also change her life in other ways, as it would be where she met her future husband, Darryl.  She moved to Winnipeg to attend the University of Winnipeg and to be closer to Darryl.  They made Whyte Ridge Baptist church their home, where they both became actively involved in Ministry.  Melanie married Darryl in 1997 and shortly thereafter she graduated with her Bachelor of Education in 1998.  She worked as an early years teacher at various schools around Winnipeg, the most recent being Phoenix School in Headingly.  Although Melanie loved the children she interacted with in the classroom her desire to impact children took on new meaning when Melanie gave birth to two daughters, Kira in 2003 and Teagan in 2005.

Melanie was a loving and caring wife and mother.  Together with her husband, Darryl she poured into the lives of their two beautiful daughters.  Despite her own busy schedule, she managed her household’s sports, social, school and church schedules with the skill of an air traffic controller.   
She encouraged every interest her girls had, whether they be athletic or artistic.  Melanie would spend many hours every week attending or preparing for dance, piano, basketball, track or any number of other activities.  Spending time with her family was a priority for her.  It didn’t matter if it were playing games, walking the dog, riding bike, or playing in the yard, Melanie knew the importance of time with her family.  Melanie’s family enjoyed many vacations and camping trips together.  The entire family shared a love for travelling and the outdoors, which included things, like water sports, hiking, and beach time.

Melanie was a great cook.  Despite being busy with all her health concerns, she was able to develop a talent for making healthy and great tasting food for herself and her family.  She loved her garden and found peace in the beauty of nature.  Melanie loved to read, you could often find her immersed in a good book.

Melanie was a passionate early years teacher who touched thousands of young lives with her innovative and nurturing take to learning.  Melanie had a special approach to the well-known Daily 5 program that was published and circulated for teachers across the province to learn and use in their classrooms.  Many teachers came to her classroom to observe her unique approach.  She also had additional training in the Roots of Empathy program.  This program teaches young children to care for and appreciate others through interactions with a baby and mother that visit the class.  It was so fitting for Melanie to be tasked with training future generations on how to care for others.  Her dedication to this program continued even through her illness as she committed to voluntarily lead monthly visits so that another class of children could benefit from it.  In recognition of Melanie’s admirable achievements in early years education her colleagues nominated her for a YW-YMCA Woman of Distinction award in 2012.

Melanie was a true friend.  Her honesty, loyalty, and boldness meant that knowing her was to be impacted by her.  Her relationships were never superficial.  She never approached anyone with kindness just to be polite.  Her kindness was always genuine and from the heart.  Her love for others is what made Mel such an attractive friend.  This was never more evident than when Mel needed her community.  The response from her work, church, neighbourhood and sports friends was nothing short of overwhelming.  The size and depth of response to Melanie when she was in need is a testament to her investment in others.  From the hundreds of people that purchased tickets and attended the fundraising social to the many people that brought meals and helped transport the girls to their activities - Melanie and her family have been extremely thankful for the outpouring of support.

Melanie was a gifted writer.  Over the last two years, her blog gave the world a glimpse of her courage, struggle, and faith.  She never held back and at times it was gut-wrenching, but it was an amazing insight into Melanie’s life as she taught us all what it really means to lean on Christ.  Even early in Mel’s writing she knew she wanted to have an impact.  We found some of her writing from her grade 12 year and it is evident that even then God was preparing her heart for a journey.  These were some of her words:
“From this day on I shall not stand placid, but I shall conquer great battles, make myself known in the nation.  I will visit places I have never been, and bless each person I meet.  I will bring good to all, and in return will be rewarded.  My name will go down in history, and after death, memories of me shall last.  Memories of success, memories of respect, memories of bringing good to all.  Oh, as my ambition rises, I want to cure the world of illness, set free any captive, and provide for the needy.  I now have new hopes that when I abandon this world I shall leave behind pleasant memories.”
Little did she know at that time the truth these words would hold.

Melanie was a fervent servant of Christ Jesus, and the strength of her faith was truly inspirational.  It seemed no matter what challenges their family faced, her faith and trust in God would only be bolstered by these events.  She believed that a walk with Christ extended beyond the church walls and was an active leader in their local Love Winnipeg outreach projects.  Connecting the church with a Daycare, the local police and fire departments, and being part of the Parent Advisory counsel at the girls’ school were all things that she knew would show the love of Jesus to the community around her.  Because of her gift of discernment she was chosen by her church, Whyte Ridge Baptist, to go to Bolivia in August of 2013 to help chose a new mission endeavour for their congregation.  Melanie’s faith impacted so many people, even until her last days her faith in Jesus Christ was present and evident.

Melanie was diagnosed with cervical cancer in October 2013 despite regular screening and follow up with various health care professionals.  Melanie underwent chemotherapy and radiation therapy from December 2013 to January 2014.  In the midst of Melanie’s stressful therapy, Darryl also struggled with health issues.  He required surgery for a benign mass behind his right eye.  Thankfully, Darryl’s surgery was complication free and his recovery was quicker than expected.

During this time Melanie started a blog, documenting her cancer journey.  Mel had a unique gift to turn her struggle into encouragement and enlightenment for us all.  She also used this gift to do numerous public speaking engagements over the course of her illness.

Unfortunately, Melanie’s cancer persisted.  Her doctors attempted one last curative surgery in June 2014, but during the operation it was discovered that her cancer had spread to her lymph nodes.  It was felt that the surgery was no longer curative given the extent of the disease, and was aborted.  Melanie was informed that there were no further conventional medical therapies.  Melanie decided to increase her natural treatments and made radical changes to her diet.  With this intense regimen, Melanie enjoyed many months of relatively good health.  In this time, Melanie was able to enjoy trips to both the Dominican Republic and Memphis with family and friends.  The family also welcomed the addition of their dog Jett.  He was a comfort to the entire family and was a constant companion for Melanie as she wrestled through her journey.

In June of this year it was discovered that Melanie’s cancer had spread to multiple places, including her spine, causing multiple fractured vertebrae and a significant increase in pain.  Her level of function declined over the next two months, as did her appetite and her ability to cope at home.  In this time however, she was able to organize a 40th birthday party for Darryl and attend a party in her honour at the home of Sandra Nickel, where numerous friends honoured her and showed her their love.  At that party she received the beautiful painting you see on the back of your program, inscribed with the words of her friends as they saw her.


Melanie was admitted to Riverview Health Centre July 30th, 2015.  Her health continued to decline over the next three weeks, but she was lovingly cared for by the Riverview palliative staff and was always surrounded by her family.  During this admission, Darryl and Melanie were able to celebrate their eighteenth wedding anniversary.  On August 21st, with all of her family near by, Melanie entered the arms of her loving Saviour.  Although our hearts are filled with such great sadness, we take comfort knowing that she has received complete healing.  She no longer struggles with sickness and is filled with complete peace.  Today she is standing in the amazing presence of God.

The following are the pages of the program from her service:



Below is the bookmark presented to guests as a gift and keepsake:




Wednesday 16 September 2015

The Message from Melanie's Service

        This is the message, spoken by Melanie's Pastor, Terry Janke, at Melanie's Celebration of Life Service on August 28th, 2015.  Melanie and her family had a unique bond with each of the pastors at their church.  Her family would like to thank Pastors Terry, Kevin, and Doug for being an amazing source of support and encouragement. 


           Darryl, Kira and Teagan - I am sure you know this, but let me say it anyway, that we who fill this room today knew and loved Melanie; and we are here not only to grieve her loss with you and to celebrate her life, but we are here to support you - and going forward may you feel that support in many forms.
            Not many people are told, "This cancer is going to take your life. You don't have long to live. Go home and build a legacy." That is what Melanie was told over a year ago. And we know a bit of what her life looked like after that point because she felt called to not live it in secrecy, but more publicly for the sake of others. She and Daryl decided together one step at a time what this season of life would look like. So, between appointments and treatments, Mel spent her last year blogging, speaking to groups, visiting friends, and sharing openly with even strangers about her journey.
            On June 1st of this year I sat with Mel in her living room and after talking and praying, she shared how much she wrestled with trying to live and speak for Christ, especially to friends who did not know Him the way she knew Him. She longed to show Christ to others and she carried many of you on her heart and in her prayers. She told me that afternoon, that when I spoke at her funeral one day, to make sure I explained the way of knowing Christ and His forgiveness. She had worried that maybe she had not been clear enough sometimes.
            So, as I begin I want to say that though you are here as a last gift to Melanie - she has asked me to pass on her last gift to you, and I pray that I will be a worthy messenger to share the story of Christ this evening. To do so, I want to share from a letter the Apostle Paul wrote. (Read Phil 3:7 - 11)
            You can tell by how Paul writes that he is thinking he might be nearing the end of his life. He wrote this letter from Rome, where he had been placed under house arrest and was chained to a Roman guard on four hour shifts. And as he reflects on his life, he begins to take stock of his gains and losses. This is not a foreign concept to us, especially in these days when the stock market is so volatile and what was gained yesterday might have been lost today. The consumer-oriented society we live in leads us all to measure life in terms of monetary or material gains and losses.
            Most of us are never forced to measure life by any other standard until we are older or become sick; but Melanie was forced at the age of 36 to take stock of her gains and losses, and initially it was natural for her to think more about her losses than her gains.
            She shared on this theme about a year ago on a Sunday morning (Sept. 28/14) when we were going through the book of Philippians. The losses she listed were the obvious ones - being apart from Daryl, Kira and Teagan, her family and friends, but she also mentioned her loss of health, peace of mind, financial security, career, her health and fitness, and so on.
            When Paul received his life sentence in Rome he also had the uncertainty of when or how he would die as well, and in the verses just prior to what I read, he lists some of what he had to lose. He makes a list of his net worth, some which was inherited and some acquired. Under his inherited worth he counted things like being a Hebrew of Hebrews of the tribe of Benjamin, raised in an orthodox family and taught at the feet of the esteemed Rabbi Gamaliel. Paul had a pedigree to boast about.
            But he also could boast (humanly speaking) of his acquired or attained worth; achievements such as belonging to the elite group called the Pharisees, and in terms of being a legalistic do-gooder, no one could top Paul. He fasted more, prayed more, gave more, studied more, and did more than any others he knew. When you put the list together it added up to a lot of pride. In Paul's world it meant that if anyone could have been a candidate for heaven - Paul would have been that guy!
            But then he meets Christ. His conversion story is found in Acts 9, and when he does the math and re-calculates his gains and losses he comes to a bizarre and very surprising conclusion. He takes all his inherent and attained achievements, his pedigree and accomplishments ------ and he writes in vs. 7 - 9, 'WHATEVER was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ, and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.'
            Paul does a spiritual inventory; weighing out his gains and his losses, and he determines that everything he depended on beforehand was small compared to knowing Christ. Christ was worth more than all he had inherited or attained put together. Whatever was to my profit I now consider loss.
            Now, Melanie did not think of her family, her education or career as some kind of merit before God. She did not think that some of her circumstances in life or something she attained would pre-dispose God to looking more favourably upon her. But in a way similar to Paul, Melanie had to take an inventory of her hearts affections and see if she treasured anything greater than Christ. Her faith was put to that kind of test. And when she did this inventory, as hard as it was to face the losses that she anticipated, she came to the conclusion that Christ was better by far than all of them put together.
            Mel also had to look within her own soul and see that she needed the kind of Saviour that only Christ could be. Someone on the outside could have looked look at her life and thought - 'Well, if God doesn't let someone like a Melanie Penner into heaven, then there is no hope for a lot of us!' But she knew who she was from the inside - out. She knew that all of her goodness still fell short of the holiness that God requires for heaven. She realized that nothing on her list of inherited or attained gains in this world made her fit for the next world. She understood that all of her good deeds would be worthless currency when she arrived at heaven's gate. Nothing she did in this world could earn her place in heaven or her favour with God... only Christ could do that for her.
            The reason that Mel could count all of her earthly gains as losses compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ was because her spiritual eyes had been opened to see that all of her own self-effort was nothing compared to the glory and purity of Jesus who took her sin upon Himself on the cross and rose to new life to give her eternal life after death.
            There is a very important spiritual principle that Paul teaches in the Scripture we read, and to live by it will cost you your pride. The principle Paul teaches is all efforts at self-righteousness or being good can actually serve to hinder you in the end, if you are depending on them instead of Christ.
            Imagine for a moment someone has a cheqing account and all month long they make deposits into their account. But at the end of the month when their bank statement arrives, instead of being deposits, they actually appear as withdrawals and debits. Instead of being a profit, they are a loss. The efforts made to save money were actually counter-productive.
            This is the essence of what Paul is teaching. He lived his whole life as the most religious, devout, do-good person one could imagine, thinking that he was storing up righteousness with God. But instead of all his accomplishments and good deeds counting in his heavenly account, they actually served as debits. Paul was under the delusion, like so many, that at the end of life when he did his spiritual accounting, adding up his losses and gains, he would come out far ahead. But after meeting Christ, he realized that he had not gained anything; but in fact, all of his efforts were counter-productive because they deceived him into thinking that he could be justified before God by himself!       The word that the Bible writers use to describe how any of us are ever fit for heaven is the word "grace". It means unmerited favour. It means nothing you do can earn it. It means that only the humble receive it, and that exalts the One who alone can give it. Jesus is the only One who can give you grace that helps you in heaven, because Jesus left heaven, came to earth, lived a sinless life, died in your place, and rose again to defeat death, the last enemy.
            And as you listen to this simple message, you either respond at your core by thinking that you are not that bad, that you're good enough; or you respond knowing that you need your soul washed clean from evil and sin. Paul took all the good he could do and he said - I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ, and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.'
            I heard a story recently about a missionary in Cameroon who had asked directions on how to get to a certain town in a jungle area. After travelling for some time, the road became a trail, and then the trail became a path and soon the path was not even discernible in the dense jungle. Thankfully he ran into an old gentleman in the jungle and asked him if he knew where the path was to this certain town. The old man nodded and said 'Follow me'. So he followed the old man, and they hacked their way through dense undergrowth and after about an hour he said to him, 'Are you sure you know the way? Where is the path?' And the old man turned to him said, "Out here, I am the path."
            Friends, when you step out of this physical, material and monetary existence and find yourself lost, you can do many things. You can try harder to find your way. You can search out what other religious road maps tell you - OR, you can follow Jesus who has been to death and back again to tell of it. He made His message in the Bible very simple. He said, "I am the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through me." Jesus suffered all that we should have suffered; and He obeyed all that we should have obeyed - and so to know Him means simply to humble yourself, admit your need and run into the arms of the One who has loved you from the beginning with a perfect love.
            Right now, Melanie is enjoying the fullness of this love in the very presence of her heavenly Father. She has gained by the grace of God what she could never earn - because for her to live was Christ, and to die was gain. John Piper wrote - "If you want to make Christ look great in your dying, there is no big performance or achievement or heroic sacrifice. There is simply a child-like laying yourself into the arms of the one who makes the loss of everything gain."           
            Melanie - you have fought the good fight. You have finished the race. You have kept the faith. And now there is in store for you the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge will award to you... (2 Timothy 4:7 - 8)

            I have asked permission from Daryl and the family to let Mel have the last word in this message like she did last September, so would you pause with me, stay seated, and listen to words of one who wrestled through what it means to lose everything and to gain Christ.   Amen.


Monday 7 September 2015

Melanie's Favourite Songs


Melanie's Favourite Songs

These are Melanie's favourite songs. They were very meaningful to her in the past year. 
She chose them to be a part of her Celebration of Life Service, August 28th, 2015.


Kari Jobe - I Am Not Alone

Laura Story - Blessings

Chris Tomlin - Sovereign

Steven Curtis Chapman - Glorious Unfolding

Friday 4 September 2015

Family's Tribute to Melanie

Family's Tribute to Melanie as Prepared and Read by Jeffrey Klassen (Melanie's Brother) at Melanie's Celebration of Life, August 28th, 2015




I would like to share a pivotal moment in my life.  It was early September, 1987. It was my first year attending Roseisle Elementary, and Melanie’s last.  As I walked into Mrs. Mckittiac’s classroom for the first time, I remember turning and peering across the hall into Mr. Switzer’s room.  There, sitting in a far desk, backlit by the morning light, I saw my sister.  We had just gotten off the bus together, but somehow, she looked completely different.  Her blond perm pulled back, gently falling over the collar of her acid wash jean jacket, she sat in a halo of light.  I’m positive the whole class was looking at her.  She had a loud and carefree laugh that was impossible to resist, and her trademark smile never left her face.  She was beautiful and popular and funny.  I was dumbstruck with admiration, but this faded … into existential panic.  So, my sister is incredible…what does that mean for me?  Is this what the world would expect from me for the rest of my childhood?  Daunting questions for a 6 year old.  I DID NOT have half of my sister’s graces.  It soon became clear, that if I ever wanted to stand out in this family I would always have to be just a little weird.

It was about 30 seconds after agreeing to write a tribute for today that I started to worry.  Number 1, I wasn’t sure I could do it without turning into a puddle.  Number 2, how could I possibly write anything shorter than a novel that could do Melanie justice!  After helping Darryl start the eulogy (which Trisha and Darryl’s sisters completed), I was able to relax a little.  I didn’t have to focus on ALL of Melanie’s greatness.  My job is a family tribute, so I’ve tried to prepare a glimpse of how Melanie fit into our small town brood.

Dad
Melanie was the apple of my father’s eye.  Within our family, Melanie and my dad had a special connection.  They shared traits that made them…different.  You see, I’m much more like my mom.  My mom and I don’t mind sitting back and observing.  We are peaceful, and to some extent, are happy to let life happen around us.  But not my Dad, and not my sister.  Both Melanie and my dad could not sit still.  For Mel, life was there to be seized!  Sitting still meant possibly missing an ounce of joy that could be squeezed from a moment, and she would never miss an opportunity to laugh, smile, or be thrilled by the wonder of the world around her.  That’s exactly like my dad.  I know he will miss that connection.  I know Melanie’s death is all the more painful for my dad, because just like Melanie, he may be stoic, but he is filled to the brim with emotion.  And while his words may be fewer than Melanie’s, his love is just as big.

Mom
To my mom, Melanie was simply a best friend.  Melanie and my mom would spend an unnatural amount of time on the phone together.  Mom knew everything about Mel and Mel knew everything about my mom.  Given Melanie’s list of amazing friends, my mom stands in some pretty steep competition for “best friend”.  But Melanie didn’t keep it a secret.  She told me over and over, “Mom is definitely my best friend.”  Mom gave my sister comfort, right to the end.  For my mom, Melanie was inspiration.  When I listened to my mom talk about my sister’s faith and perseverance, there was immeasurable pride and respect.  My mom and my sister’s bond has been passed on to Melanie and Darryl’s girls, and it is special to watch them interact with each other.  Her relationship with Kira and Teagan some how feels both new and familiar.

Trisha and Otto
For my wife, Melanie was a comrade.  They had so much in common.  Both early years teachers.  Both would talk your ear off if you let them.  Both craved deep, personal connection, and were more than willing to bare their soul.  Melanie and Trisha could turn a task like drying the dishes into a two hour discussion.  Melanie was always accepting of my wife, and for that I was very thankful.  She had a special place in my son’s heart, as well.  Even near the end, my son could not be at the hospital without going to say hi to Auntie Mel. 

Jason
As far as my brother Jason is concerned, I can’t say as much.  I was always slightly jealous of the rest of my family, because I was the only one that never got to meet him.  But I did get a sense of Jason when Melanie talked about him.  Even though Melanie was only four years old when he died, she could describe the way they played so vividly. Melanie’s big brother was clearly one of her first loves, much the way Melanie was one of mine.  Despite everything, we can rest assured there is a special Klassen family reunion taking place at the table of Christ Jesus.

Mel’s In-Laws (We weren’t Melanie’s only family)
Just after Melanie was admitted to Riverview, she was visited by Terry.  She told him that in the few days after her admission she was discouraged that she was still alive.  She wanted to go to Heaven and she wasn’t sure why God was taking his time.  I don’t know Terry’s exact words, but he impressed upon Melanie that even in that hospital bed, too weak to walk, and struggling with pain, she had an impact.  She was still changing the world, and anyone that knows Mel would know that this would give her so much encouragement.  My wife and I were reflecting on this episode in Melanie’s admission after the smaller service we had on Wednesday.  Trisha had an amazing insight.  We feel that at least a small part of Mel’s purpose in the 3 weeks she spent at Riverview was to bond two families into one.  

Before July, Darryl’s family and our family were two groups, connected by marriage, acquainted and friendly.  Over the three weeks we spent in Riverview, we were forged into one family, by prayer and circumstance, fuelled by Mel’s love for us and our shared love for her.  
Our family is so thankful for Hilda and David, Darryl’s parents, Anita and Ramona, Darryl’s sisters, for Anita’s daughter, Kai, and also for Anita’s boyfriend, Marlon.  They have gone beyond the extra mile, no matter what needed to be done.  It is no mystery how Melanie came to love you all.

Melanie was our family’s hub.  She was the organizer, the planner.  The one that bought the Christmas gifts for mom and dad by October.  Any family decision was run by her.  When there was conflict or indecision, it was Mel who laid it all out on the table and made things clear for us.  

If you asked each of us separately who we could relate to most in this eclectic bunch, we would all probably say Mel.  I think it’s because we each saw the best of ourselves in her.  Not only that, she brought out the best in us.  She was challenging.  She would not let you settle, or become stagnant.  She saw what we could be and that’s what she expected.

In the last two years Melanie took on her most profound role in our family. We all watched in frustration as she caught a disease that she didn't deserve, a disease she had no risk factors for, a diseases she did everything she possibly could to avoid. And despite her tenacious, almost military like response to this cancer, we watched it take her away from us. I can't speak for everyone else, but I wanted to scream. I wanted to blame and turn bitter. But Melanie wouldn't let me. Get angry? Sure, for a little while. Get frustrated? Okay, maybe for a few minutes. Ask questions? Of course. As many as you like.  Worry? No. Mel would fight off the worry as hard as she fought the cancer. Through all her suffering, suffering that we know was deeper than she ever let on, there was never self pity and she never turned sour. What she gave us was encouragement and the persistent reminder that whatever happened…God had her. She was grace and faith personified. 

Jeff (it’s my tribute, so I’m allowed to save myself for last)
As for my relationship for Mel, there was one constant.  Whenever I thought of Mel, it was with pure and utter admiration.  When we were young, Melanie used to call me “Jaff.”  It must of been her strong mennonite heritage shining through.  She rarely got in trouble for anything, but I do remember numerous occasions when my mom got on her case for using me as a slave.  “Jaff, get me something to drink.”  “Jaff, clean up these toys.”  For me, though, it wasn’t slavery…it was devotion.  Melanie existed on another level, she always seemed to float somewhere above me, and I would do anything I could to be close to her.  

Melanie and I were 5 years apart, not an insignificant difference.  It meant we didn’t really “play” together the way a lot of children do.  I remember one time she allowed my Ninja Turtles to hang out with her Barbies.  I felt so much pressure to impress her with my maturity, I said a four letter word that I’m sure I didn’t know the meaning of.  Melanie’s jaw dropped, and I began to sob…not because I thought I would get in trouble, but because I had totally blown it!  My one chance to play with my super cool older sister and it was out the window!

Even in our teenage years, my sister had a powerful hold over me.  I could be infatuated with some girl…head over heels, ready to profess my undying love.  Mel would find out and say…”Really?  Her?  Hmm.”  And that would be the end of it.

Our age difference did have benefits.  I got to watch Melanie artfully navigate each stage of life.  Melanie became my template…my prototype for my teenage years, my marriage, and parenthood.  And what better example could I have had?

Unfortunately, Melanie and I weren’t always close.  Sometimes I admired her from far away.  In the last year Mel and I talked numerous times about a phase in our adult lives where we know we weren’t as close as we should have been.  And, in a mysterious way, we both felt a need to be closer in the year leading up to her diagnosis.  In the last two years, we shared some deep and life changing moments together.  A lot of them were painful, but a lot of them were wonderful and all of them are meaningful.

In Melanie’s last few months, she told me how much she admired me and thanked me for taking care of her.  To give an analogy of what this was like for me…imagine Wayne Gretzky praising you for your stick handling or Brian May thanking you for the guitar lesson.

Her Family
Melanie was struck by the words of her oncologist on the day he told her she was terminal.  He told her to start “building a legacy.”  We all know that those words were misspoke. Melanie’s legacy of love, faith, and unapologetic honesty was already well established.

But Melanie leaves behind a different legacy that continues to impact the world.  That legacy is in the way she loved and raised her family.  Her two amazing daughters bear an image of Melanie that goes way beyond physical resemblance.  In Kira, I see Melanie’s commitment to her friends, her thoughtful introspection, her insightfulness and her attention to detail.  I see Mel’s exuberance for life, her joy, her empathy, and her ability to brighten your day in Teagan.  Girls, you’ve been told this a thousand time already I’m sure, but it cannot be overstated…your mom loved you like crazy.   And then, there is the amazing man that Melanie chose to share her life with.  Darryl has been a part of our family for two thirds of my life.  I could not have chosen a better, more committed person to care for my sister in sickness and in health.  Melanie and Darryl’s marriage was a shining example of what a Christian union should be, and I am thankful for bearing witness to it.  Melanie’s imprint will always be on Darryl’s life, and I am so happy and proud to call him my brother, now and forever.

This last Christmas, Melanie made something for each person in our family as a special keepsake.  For me, she wrote a letter.  I’d like to read you the closing of that letter, and keep in mind, this was months after being told her cancer was incurable: 
“Finding God’s will is hard.  Depending on Him and waiting on Him is hard.  I have discovered a verse that has helped me understand God’s immediate will for my life:

1 Thes. 5:16-18 “Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.  For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

If you can learn to do these 3 things daily, you start to see God’s hand in all you do.  I pray for you daily.  I pray God will continue to use you and bless you.  I pray you rely on His strength.  I love you very much.  Merry Christmas.  Love Mel.”

Melanie, your love and faith have made me a better person.  I have a feeling, thanks to your writing and your family, you will continue to change me and challenge me for years to come.  I love you more than you ever knew.   Your suffering has ended, Hallelujah, and amen.